Ask Charlie

Thanks to the reader that submitted this question:

“Hey Charlie, I've got two best friends. They're the people I'm always there for, I'm constantly checking on them. However, I can’t help but feel when I'm in need of someone checking in on me, no one is ever there. Part of me wants to scream and ask them why they aren't checking in on me and try to understand. The other part of me feels like maybe I deserve this."

No matter how you treat someone, it is always going to be their decision if they are going to treat you well. This being said, you shouldn't stick around people who aren’t going to take care of you, especially if you consider them best friends. It is a hard decision figuring out who you want to keep in your life, but you need to put yourself first. It is important to take care of yourself before you take care of other people. This is especially important in friendships since there is no guarantee of reciprocation.

I would try to find someone who is happy to be there for you. No one deserves to have close friends who don’t treat you with the same respect you give to them. This doesn’t mean you have to stop being a good friend to those people, just stop expecting them to treat you the same. If they really are your best friends, discussing your emotions about the situation shouldn’t be an issue. If they really are your best friends, they should be willing to talk it out with you. But you have to communicate your needs for them to know how you feel. Because if they don’t know what you need, they won’t really be able to help you.

Basically, you have two options. Either find some new friends or try to work out this situation with the current friends you have. However, you shouldn’t stay in a situation hoping it will change when you aren’t working towards a solution yourself. It won't change overnight without a little work from both parties involved.