It is easier to incorporate someone’s lifestyle into another's if they are similar to begin with. But differences inevitably show up. For example, sometimes one party of a relationship partakes in a certain recreational plant and the other does not.
This is a big difference. A lot can be inferred about someone based on if they smoke weed or not. And a lot of those inferences put stoners as being incompatible with squares.
Stoners tend to see squares as unable to relax, too concerned with how they are perceived and close minded. Squares tend to see stoners as lazy, irresponsible and blind to the consequences of their actions.
Even as people and society mature past these binary beliefs, these assumptions stick around in our subconscious. Even in a loving, long-term relationship between a stoner and a square, it can be hard to move past these assumptions.
The issue can bring up insecurities, especially for the square. It can make that person wonder if they are cool enough for their partner, or if their partner will eventually choose weed over them.
On the stoner’s end, they can be faced with judgment and a sense of moral righteousness from their partner. They might feel like they have to hide a part of their life. In the end, one partner smoking while the other does not is only one lifestyle difference — one of countless, that has to be reconciled with in order to make a relationship work. In my relationship, it has been harder reconciling our different beliefs on “Family Guy” than on smoking pot.
This issue can be treated just like any other major difference. Both individuals should respect the choices of their partner. If they do not, there really is no point in continuing the relationship.
The stoner should respect their partner’s choice to not smoke and should never pressure them into it. Generally, you should never pressure your partner into doing anything they are uncomfortable with. If you ask your partner if they want to smoke and they decline, drop it. Do not try to convince them or continue to ask them. Just respect their decision and trust that if they change their mind, they will tell you.
Squares should respect their partner’s choice to smoke. Understand that they have already weighed the costs and made their choice. If a square does not want their partner to smoke around them, they should say so and the couple should work together to set up boundaries. Because my partner and I have talked about and worked through our different beliefs on weed, we have a stronger relationship. It is just as good, if not better than if we were the same.
So, go talk about your true feelings and then go blaze it.