Pillow Talk

Sex-positivity is a movement sweeping the nation and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it. Sex feels good. It’s a normal part of life and people should be able to get in on it as much as they please with whomever they like.

Sex is becoming increasingly more normalized and people are accepted — or even encouraged — to express themselves how they wish sexually.

Of course, non-sex-positive ideals, like slut-shaming and homophobia, still run rampant, but we’ve come leaps and bounds from where we once were in society.

To me, as long as long as all parties consent and are using some form of protection, I’m all for any kind of sex. But sex beyond a traditional, monogamous relationship just isn’t for me, and that should be just as acceptable under the sex-positivity movement.

While I’ve recently decided casual sex isn’t for me, I’m no stranger to hookups and Tinder. Throughout my whole college career, I’ve seen my friends and peers swipe right to find casual sex and never talk to them again. I loved how people could be more open with their sexuality, so I figured I would too.

After the first few hookups, however, I couldn’t help but to get this sinking feeling every time. I felt guilty, embarrassed, ashamed.

At first I thought this had to be a problem with me, that I had some internalized misogyny, tying a woman’s worth to her number of sexual partners.

After giving it a few more tries and feeling increasingly worse about it, I decided to stop and realize what I didn’t like about casual sex. For me, sex isn’t about the physical sensation, but rather the intimate, emotional connection.

And then came another realization: I wasn’t being very sex-positive toward myself.

Sex-positivity is about exploring sexually in any way that you please. And for me, sex is best enjoyed when I have an intense connection with someone.

This doesn’t make me any better or worse than the person who has a different hookup with someone new every weekend, the person waiting to have sex for marriage and everything in between.

It’s simply a preference for what fits my tastes — just like how liking a certain food or music doesn’t make me better than anyone else.

Sex-positivity is about embracing all forms of sex — including those who choose to withhold from it.