In my mind, I live in my childhood bedroom

I’ll never be in the same place I once was, 

A thought that sparks a flame every time it is said aloud, 

Minton Drive is no more than an old street,

And my sixteenth birthday was already three years ago.

Girlhood is dead and I’m faced with learning how to be a woman now.

I don’t know what that means,

Most days I act like a child.

When I went home to visit my family, my house felt foreign. 

My room is not mine anymore and will never be again.

The first time I went back to my high school after graduation, it felt wrong.

If I knew that beforehand, I would’ve never gone back.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I could change the past. 

But I can’t, so I let it go. 

I wonder if I made the wrong decision,

Or if I am meant to be here, to learn a lesson and grow. 

I like to believe the second answer,

If I were to find out the first is true, I’d collapse. 

When I find my mind on the highest volume, I think of sixteen-year-old me. 

She would call me a nerd or say “I care too much” 

I do.

Reminiscing on the past isn’t wrong, but obsession will be the ultimate demise.   

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